2026 - The Year of Faith

Last year I felt a tug on my heart from something, and it nudged me to go to church. I’ve had nudges like these before or little whispers. I had a whisper in my head for two years saying “stop drinking” another one saying “go to yoga” two things I decided it was time to listen to and lean into the year of 2025. I’ve been sober for a year now and have been going to yoga for the past two months and I love it! I think sobering up was what led to the whisper of “try church out.” My idea of fun drinking on the weekends and losing myself to the night was gone and I was feeling lonely during 2025. So I decided to go to church. 

It felt very vulnerable walking into a church alone and sitting there and hearing stuff I had no idea what it was about. But I did it. The message at the church I was going to was honestly confusing. They were basically just reading out of the bible and talking about it. I ended up switching to Eaglebrook and felt a lot more connected to the message there. It was way easier to understand for someone who never dove into Christianity. I went there for a couple months but during the summer months I stopped going to church.

During 2020 I fell in love with spirituality. It felt like something that was missing in my life. I was obsessed with “The Universe,” manifesting, journaling, gratitude and affirmations. I read a ton of self development books. I loved it because it gave me something to put my faith in. If anything bad happened I knew I would be okay because The Universe had my back and I am so grateful for that time in my life. I was scared to use the word God because it felt like it was tied to Christianity and I was not religious. No way.

I became more familiar with the word “God” at the start of 2025. In my head they were the same thing: something that loved me for me and for eternity, something I could lean on, something that would encourage me and would always be there for me. So I decided to get over myself and start saying God, journaling to God, and talking to God. It felt weird at first. It felt like I was betraying The Universe lol but eventually it felt right. So here we were, me and God. 

Then there was another thing to tackle: Jesus. Good ole Jesus. I have never felt connected with Jesus. God, yes, but Jesus, no. How can I be connected to a guy who isn’t even alive right now? I believed he existed and believed everything he did in the bible, but so what? My guy was God and if they are all part of the Holy Trinity why does it matter? I still feel this way, but I’m finding myself having a desire to be friends with this Jesus guy. I don’t know him, but I would like to. And that’s something I feel called to pursue the year of 2026. I’m realizing it’s a choice to be friends with Jesus and I’m guessing I was always his friend but he was never my friend. But I would like him to be and I think that’s the first step to this beautiful relationship. 

I’m working on letting God take control over every corner of my life. I’m over trying to control it, it is exhausting. I’m pretty good at surrendering to God with every aspect in my life, except one. And that’s: relationships. I think about finding “the one” everyday. I know he’s out there and I just dream of when we can be together. I’ve been single for over two years now and everytime I’m not consciously thinking about something, that's where my mind takes me: my person. I’ll be walking through the grocery store looking around, and if I see a guy remotely my age, I’m thinking “is that him?” It’s exhausting. I recently was going on a few dates with this one guy, and he was perfect on paper. Everything about him seemed like it was a perfect fit to my puzzle piece. This past week, I would pray to God “I desire to be a wife and a mom, and however you see that to fit, let your will be done.” I was working on surrendering my control over this budding relationship to him and having him do what he wanted with him. And he sure did. He showed me real fast that that guy was not my person. I found out that he was supposedly divorced for three years but was still seeing his “ex” wife and God wanted to protect my heart as soon as possible and he did. And I’m so grateful he did. I also believe God was working through me during this situation and wanted to teach both me and the guy certain lessons and I’m really grateful that God wanted to use me for that. 

So here I am, still single. I’ve decided that for God to take control over that aspect of my life fully, I need to surrender to Him and Jesus. So I’m opening my heart to Jesus. I want a love like Jesus had for the church. And I need to work on being fulfilled through Jesus and not from anything else. I don’t even know how that’s possible and I’m willing to try. The next person I give my heart to will be my person. I pray to God to make it so obvious that it is a gift from him. And maybe that person he wants me to be with is himself and wants me to be single forever. I just have to surrender because God has a bigger plan for me that I can’t even imagine. So this is it, I am giving my heart and soul to Jesus and saving my heart for my future husband.